friendship, part two
Parasocial contact has become a sort of replacement in some ways of the true communication I would have with friends, e.g. things that podcasters or musicians have said (through either interviews or lyrics). These are two of the main examples. My partner however, who has real friends and also makes them easily, has to hear me finding correlations made parasocially as references to something or in parts of conversations we're having with each other.
The trouble I have with holding this back is a) I genuinely feel like I've got something worth adding, where there's a blank space otherwise from real friends, b) I don't like talking without purpose and so if I'm quoting something I think is pertinent, interesting or has an emotional or visceral value that I wouldn't have been able to tap into. There should be a c), a d), etc. but as I keep writing them out I know I don't know enough about myself to create lists as full representations of what I actually mean, even if by writing something that's approaching clarity I've tried hard to do something akin, but it's a bit like picking at bits of my skin and nodding slowly for some reason.
The big part of this is say that I hear more from podcasters, musicians and writers than I do from most people around me, and I hear what they're willing to say on the internet and in the media. This behaviour must be described as unhealthy, but it's good on an instant-reward basis because I can essentially click somewhere, drift off at parts that I can't focus on, and I never respond because I'm not in a conversation.